


Increments and Constructs

by TryxeyHobbitses



Category: The Flash (Comics), The Flash (TV 2014), The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 09:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8886124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TryxeyHobbitses/pseuds/TryxeyHobbitses
Summary: She was utterly frozen, she knew that face instantly, she also knew that it was ridiculous. It just wasn’t possible. He was the guy that she had memories of in her dreams...





	1. 10 Days

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first in a very, very, very long time and definitely my first for this Fandom, but I had this idea and it wouldn't leave me, so I started writing and out this came. I hope you like it. I welcome comments, wonderings, musings, and whatever else. I definitely have a plan for this. I'm thinking 5 or 6 chapters depending on quickly how the plot moves along in subsequent chapters, I have an outline and a structure though so if you like it let me know.

The first time she saw him, she stared. She stared openly. She stared shamelessly. She was shocked. He was all alone in a section of the library that never really got any traffic. She was wheeling her cart down the aisles when she turned the corner and spotted the lone reader on the floor with his back against the wall surrounded by books. She knew that she’d never seen him before as it was only her second week working in the campus STEM library and her Journalism major had rarely, if ever, sent her here as opposed to the main campus library for any reason. Nonetheless, at the sight of his lanky frame sprawled out on the floor she smiled, thinking his absorption one of the most adorable things she had seen in awhile. 

Still smiling she followed the trail of his impossibly long legs up, until she saw his face, still downcast as he scribbled notes into a notebook in his lap. She was utterly frozen, she knew that face instantly, she also knew that it was ridiculous. It just wasn’t possible. He was the guy that she had memories of in her dreams...though he was never with her, beside her there, just a missing part of her soul that she longed desperately for. Her other self, her dreaming self, always thought of him, longed for him, waited for him. She had had those dreams for as long as she could remember, they came sporadically, always the same always her alone wanting him. She had the dream only last night, maybe that’s why the sight of him struck her so hard, why it paralyzed her. He was there!

She stared for what was certainly an absurd amount of time while he read on, obliviously taking notes. She couldn’t clearly see his downcast eyes, but she knew as certainly as she knew she was breathing, as certainly as she knew that messy chocolate hair that those eyes would be the most beautiful shade of blue-green she had ever seen. That if only he would look up at her, if she could get his attention, that they would be filled with wit, warmth, and intelligence. She was rooted, unmoving, until a book slipped from one of his piles with a clatter and the noise broke her trance. She recovered herself before he looked up and turned her back to him as she began shelving the books that had sent her down this isolated aisle. 

 

~~~

 

The second time she saw him, she was better prepared. She was in the 10th day, meaning that she had 10 consecutive, uninterrupted peaceful nights of sleep untroubled by the nightmares that were filled with a crying, imprisoned, screaming self. It was late, near closing time for the library and knowing that he was there, she went looking for him. Perhaps she intended to talk to him. She had almost convinced herself that maybe she knew him from somewhere else, maybe an intro class of one type or another? Perhaps she had seen him on campus before and thought he was attractive, he certainly was in that overly tall, overly thin kind of way. Perhaps this attraction was to blame for his status in her dreams? She had convinced herself that she just needed to talk to him, that once she did, they could figure out how they knew each other and the dreams could finally stop...or at least she could move on from the sorrow filled part of a dream. 

As she rounded the corner to his alcove this time she expected him, knew he’d be there, but it didn’t matter. Her reaction was no different, she stood there staring and wondering how it was possible that he never even looked up from his books. She tried to approach him, she discovered that much like her dream self, she longed to do so. She had a yearning so desperate in its intensity to be near him, to talk to him that ultimately that’s what kept her from approaching this time. She was afraid of what she would do, what she would say when she approached this stranger. Would she try to touch him, to wrap her arms around him like she desperately wanted to do in her dreams? Would she open her mouth and stand there with her mouth flapping like a fish making an ass of herself? Her fear paralyzed her, but she could not look away, she didn’t want to, she willed him to look up, but he didn’t. 

In the end, she regained her composure, turned on her heel, and walked away without speaking. As closing time approached and the announcements were made, she watched as he walked toward the exit his books in tow. His eyes no longer downcast, she saw what she knew would be there and the “right-ness” of that blue-green gaze was all wrong as it never once turned to her shining with the warmth that she knew should be there. 

That night the dream came and it was different.

 

_ She was alone, she was always alone, and she used to run screaming at the octagonal walls holding her prisoner, trying to get out, there didn’t even seem to be a door, she had no clue how she got here. Everything was shades of gray even the sheets on the too small cot in the corner. She would scream and scream for help, scream for anyone to hear her, to help her. She would scream and scream at the hopelessness of her situation, knowing with certainty that if only he knew where she was, if only he could find her that he would save her. Once her will to scream drained away, memories of them flooded her and she would dissolve onto the floor in a heap sobbing and ashamed of her own fear and loneliness. It felt like she was losing hope, like she was giving up on him, and that shamed her. She knew he would never give up, that he would go to the ends of the Earth for her, and that just made her sobs come even harder. If she knew he would go to the ends of the Earth, then where was she if he couldn’t find her?  _

Normally that’s how the dreams would end, with her dissolving into tears on the floor, hoarse and broken, but tonight was different...the dream didn’t end, it kept going and something new happened.

_ “Iris, Iris,” She could hear him shouting her name, “Iris, I’m going to get you out of there!”  _

_ Relief flooded her, she knew that voice, he had finally come _

 

~~~

She saw him often after that second time, always afraid to speak, always staring. Every time she saw him, she felt like her heart stopped beating and she was instantly seized by the desire to go to him and let him fold her in his arms as the entire rest of the world died away. At night, the dreams had started coming with regularity, every ten days they came now, no more fluctuation, no more months going by. They were clockwork and they were the same. The exact same every night, only now she could always hear him, shouting her name, and feel the relief knowing that he was there and he would save her soon.


	2. 5 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She began to fall, arms flying outwards and head tucking inwards as she headed toward the ground as she prepared herself for impact. She waited and the impact never came. Instead she felt a strong grip pulling her back up onto her feet. The overcorrection was just a bit too much and she slammed into his chest, immediately arms wrapped around her, “Iris.” She heard that too familiar voice whisper into her hair.   
> “Barry.” she sighed and wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so Chapter 2. Let me know what you think afterwards. I'll also have some notes about things that happen at the end.

Only five days this time. She used to get ten days in between dreams, but something changed the last time she saw him,  _ he  _ saw her, and she knows that despite her months of noticing him, he had never noticed her that she knew of. This time though, this time was different. 

She had been behind the checkout counter working on checking in a backlog of books and also attempting to drum up ideas for her newest assignment when he came up to the counter with a list of books he needed. Usually he didn’t require aid, moving expertly through the stacks finding the books that he needed and then sitting quietly scanning for the information he needed, re-shelving books himself that he didn’t need, but tonight he did. It took her a while to notice he was standing there quietly waiting, but when she looked up she just stared stupidly (again), he just smiled and held up his list of books. 

“Hi,” he said with a small encouraging smile, “I was wondering if you could help me out, I need to find these and they just don’t seem to be shelved where I can find them.” He continued to smile. 

She looked at him still frozen for just a heartbeat in time, “Ummm..yeah...yes, I mean...I’m….sure I can help.” She stammered out as she reached for the list. When he handed her the list, their fingers brushed and lightning sizzled between their fingertips. She gasped and pulled back. “Wait here, I’ll see what I can do.” She rushed the statement out and ran to the little office behind her under the guise of using the office computer so that she could regain her composure. She looked down at the list in her hand, quickly seeing why he couldn’t find what he was looking for, they were all fairly recent dissertations that they hadn’t gotten around to carving out space for yet. She quickly found where they would be located and after taking a few slow, deep breaths, she put her best smile on and headed out to him. “It looks like these just haven’t been filed yet, but I can help you get a hold on them if you need them.” 

“Okay, thanks, that would really help me out.” He smiles and the familiarity of that smile is everything that she never knew her life was missing. She gave him a little hand gesture to follow and started to walk to one of the rooms where they stored sorted, but as of yet unshelved books. He followed dutifully. 

When they reached the quiet room, she could smell him, almost feel him at her back and she braced herself, trying not to make a fool of herself. “It’s going to take a little digging, but I think they are all actually in the same place.” 

“If it’s too much trouble --”

“No, don’t worry about it, that’s my job,” she cut him off quickly, as she searched. After a few minutes of searching she found all of the items on his list and handed them over with a smile, “I think that’s everything. Is there anything else you need.”

He smiled with a little head tilt, and a little blush, “Umm...no. Thanks Iris.” And he left the room books in hand without waiting for her response. Which was probably a good call on his part as she simply stood there stunned watching after him. She had no clue he knew her name, but hearing him say it gave her the same feeling she always had in the dreams, hopeful and with a solid knowing that everything would soon be well with the world. 

 

~~~

She headed back to her dorm room that night in a fog, she was so focused on him that nothing else even registered. She knew that tonight would be one of those nights. She also knew that 5 days was much too soon for another dream, what could be happening? Why were they coming so closely? She considered staying up, but realized immediately the idea was foolish, she’d only end up tired the next day after falling asleep anyway. Reluctantly she slept.

_ As she entered the dream, everything was the same, same walls, same dark gray everything, same sense of hopelessness. She knew how this would play out, and so instead of screaming or fighting this time, she waited until he heard her cue, knowing that would signal the end of her dream _ .

_ “Iris, Iris,” She could hear him shouting her name, “Iris, I’m going to get you out of there!”  _

_ The same relief came, she waited for everything to end, but it didn’t. She felt her world being jostled, like there was some sort of earthquake, “Barry! Barry! Something’s happening, help!”  _

_ The jostling stopped, “Iris,” the voice sounded relieved, “are you there? Knock to let me know where you are.”  _

_ “Yes, I’m here!” she shouted as she pounded on the walls she had come to know so well. _

_ “Iris, I’m going to get you out, don’t worry.” _

_ “Barry! Where am I? how did you find me? How did I get in here?”  _

_ “Guys I found her.” she heard him say, “Yeah, I think she’s right here, Cisco do you see anything? Do you see him?” _

_ She couldn’t hear the reply, but without thought she knew who Cisco was and it wasn’t strange to her, that’s what dreams were like, right? You just KNEW what you needed to know. She only wishes that she could hear Cisco’s reply. _

_ “Hey, Iris I’m going to need you to be calm okay? We are going to try to figure out how to get in there and it might take a while, but I promise that I won’t leave you alone.” _

_ “Okay, where am I? How did you find me? How did I get here?” _

_ “J’onn found you, he created a psychic link to you a little over three weeks ago. You’ve been missing for a month, Iris. I’ve been going crazy. Cisco could tell you were alive, but he couldn’t reach you. J’onn said that he could try to reach you through telepathy but he’s had trouble reaching you. Finally, when J’onn and Cisco worked to combine their powers they were able to get a location on where you were being held.” _

_ She remembered. She had heard about the wildly popular “no strings” puppet / magic shows from the one of the arts writers she’s not really sure how long ago...but at the same time a number of people had started going missing all over the city in the same areas that these puppet shows would “pop-up” for their one night only performances. She had found out where the next one would be and went to investigate and then….well and then nothing. “I don't remember what happened. All I remember is getting backstage and then nothing...everything went black and next thing I knew, I woke up here banging on walls and screaming for you.” _

_ “Iris, I’ve been trying to reach you. We knew where you were, but you were walled off somehow. J’onn says that someone has you ‘locked up really tight’ his words, and he has been having trouble getting to you. He has been trying to project me into your mind since we found you, but I can only see you in bits and pieces and until recently I couldn’t see you clearly. Then 5 days ago, I got to you.” _

_ 5 days ago...but that was when…”Oh my god! Barry!” _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

She woke up suddenly! “BARRY!” she shouted as she woke from the dream. 

She immediately thought of the guy from the library that she had been watching. She realized that she hadn’t even asked him what his name was when they spoke. She wondered if his name was Barry too. She knew she had to find out. She hoped that she wasn’t just going crazy, and she thought she could be. There was only one way to find out, she headed to the library to wait for him to show up. 

While waiting, she started doing her usual job, making the rounds re-shelving books and wasting time when someone walked right into her. She began to fall, arms flying outwards and head tucking inwards as she headed toward the ground as she prepared herself for impact. She waited and the impact never came. Instead she felt a strong grip pulling her back up onto her feet. The overcorrection was just a bit too much and she slammed into his chest, immediately arms wrapped around her, “Iris.” She heard that too familiar voice whisper into her hair. 

“Barry.” she sighed and wrapped her arms around him and held on tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right-y then. So Cisco and J'onn J'onzz are both mentioned here as well as a funky little idea I had about how their powers could maybe be combined to do some cool stuff. The villain is one familiar to comic book fans, and will appear soon!!! Let me know what you think! All comments are helpful!


	3. 3 Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knew his name. He knew her name. She breathed him in as his arms wrapped around her, she let herself relax into the embrace and the feeling of safety and security that she had been longing for since the first time she saw him, since the dreams kick-started into measurable increments. “Iris,” he whispered into her ear, “Iris, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. You said my name, was that real? Do you know my name?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lot of stuff here...

She knew his name. He knew her name. She breathed him in as his arms wrapped around her, she let herself relax into the embrace and the feeling of safety and security that she had been longing for since the first time she saw him, since the dreams kick-started into measurable increments. “Iris,” he whispered into her ear, “Iris, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore. You said my name, was that real? Do you know my name?”

“Barry,” she sighed, “I feel like I’ve known you my entire life, but I know that can’t be true. I’ve been having these dreams...”she trails off. 

“And in the dreams you’re trapped and I’m trying to save you.” He finished.

Shock registered on her face. “But...how did you...?”

“I don’t really know. I know that you’re here, but I also have been having these dreams lately...they started 3 weeks ago, before that first time we spoke 5 days ago, every night I’m having these dreams and every time they’re the same. I’m searching endlessly for you, I have friends helping. The first time I had a dream I came here and I thought I saw you...I needed to know you. I never saw you in my dreams, you were never there, but all the same I knew what you looked like. I knew that I needed to find you…” He trailed off seeming nervous, “This sounds crazy right? I mean, I’m saying that I knew you...and I watched you when you couldn’t see me. I started coming here every night to study in hopes that I would see you. I couldn’t talk to you without sounding crazy, so I didn’t...until I thought I had a reason? And you were her. You were the one that he loves so much.” 

“Are you him? You have the same name? Can you do what he does? Do you know what he does?” 

“I don’t know if I am him, I definitely don’t have...superpowers...If that’s what you’re asking.” His voice had raised questioningly at the mention of superpowers.

She chuckled a little, “Yeah, I guess that is what I was asking...but do you feel like you are that guy? Like I kind of feel like I’m her...but at the same time…?”

“I know what you mean...I feel like I’m him when I’m having the dreams, I know that I am him, but when I wake up...it is just that a dream, but then there’s you and he loves you so much and I…” He trails off.

“She loves him, too.” She murmured quietly. “So where do we go from here?”

“I don’t know...want to get coffee and compare notes...I know a place.”

She finally releases him, pulling back, “Sure, but can it be in a bit? I’ve got to finish my shift.”

He nods, “I’ll get started on those notes.”

 

~~~

As they sat in Jitters comparing notes a lot of things were similar...but some weren’t. Like in her dreams, she’s always in a octagonal prison where everything was gray, but what he has seen is that she is in a box...like a small box, also octagonal in shape and that she’s not really moving. She responds to him sometimes...but not all the time, and usually only with the help of both Cisco and J’onn working together. They found her and moved the box to STAR labs, but haven’t been able to open it or get to her in any way. 

“The jostling I felt, that was me being moved?” he nods, “So do you know what has happened? How it happened?”

“No, at this point we just know that the box  was in a puzzle of some sort and the box itself is another, we made it through the first two levels just to get to you and then there was the box itself, but that’s all I know.”

“Hmmm...I wonder why I can’t remember my dreams starting at all, but you can remember clearly that yours started 3 weeks ago...Barry said that 3 weeks ago was when they were first able to establish the psychic link...so I’m sure that is when your dreams started. I also wonder why your dreams are every night when mine aren’t?”

“It could have to do with proximity and his active participation in the process, while for you, it is an effort expenditure just to reach you and you weren’t able to actively connect with Cisco or J’onn until they used me/him to reach you.” 

“Do you have any guess on what happened, obviously it has to do with the investigation I / she was involved in...I know this is weird...and they’re just dreams, but I feel like if we can free her, if we can save her that the dreams can stop, and everything can just go back to how it was before the dreams.”

Hurt flashes in his eyes, “Hopefully not everything?”

She gives him a small, warm smile, “No, not everything.” she affirms as she reaches across the table to grasp his hand. “How about this? How about we spend the rest of our evening with no dream talk, just getting to know each other? I mean, I know that it seems kind of like we know each other from the dreams, but not really...we know those versions of ourselves, but not really the person sitting in front of us. For instance, I know that I find you attractive. I know that you have some sort of science major...and that your name is Barry...Allen? I’m guessing, that’s his last name so maybe it’s yours too?”

“Okay, I’m game.” he lightly squeezed her hand that was clasping his with a beatific smile, “Yes, my last name is Allen. I am a grad student, working on my PhD in Physics, I spend a lot of time in the library studying and researching for my dissertation...ummm...only child...dad’s a doctor, mom’s a teacher….and...I also find you attractive and think that your last name must be West?”

“Yes, my last name is West. I am currently working on my master’s degree in Journalism...not an only child, I do have a brother who is younger...dad’s a cop...mom passed when I was younger...favorite color red...and I’m glad that we are actually speaking.” They continued talking and comparing notes until they were booted from the coffee shop. He offered to walk her home. They smiled and talked, holding hands the entire way. By the time they reached her door, each was convinced that they were half over the moon for the other. “I hope to see you soon, Barry Allen,” she said holding out her phone for him to put his number in, “and not just in my dreams.”

He programmed his number in and then rang himself so that he would have hers, then looked up at her grinning ear to ear “Oh, Iris West, you are going to see me so much, you’ll be sick of me.”

“Doubtful,” she smiled back and went inside closing her door. She sighed leaning against the door, thinking that she might already be a little bit in love with this guy. 

For the next two days they met up, he would ask if she had dreamed, and she said no, she asked him, and his response was yes, but that mostly he just dreamt of trying to reach her over and over again. The third night he walked her back to her door leaving her with a little hug and a wave saying he’d see her the next day. She fell asleep quickly feeling calm.

~~~

_ She sighed, looking at the walls of her prison… her box? She called out, “Barry...Barry, I’m here.”  _

_ His response was immediate, “Iris, we’re doing our best to get you out of there.”  _

_ “Hey Barry, I have a question...when I’m not here, or rather not responding, what is happening, what do you hear?” _

_ He was quiet, “We can’t reach you often...and only at night...we don’t know how the box keeps us out, or why it is so hard to reach you during the day, or why you just don’t respond...it’s like magic? We talked to Oliver about the Box to see if he had any suggestions, and guess what he told us?” _

_ She didn’t respond, she knew he’d continue. _

_ “He said it was real, honest to god magic, Iris. That the way that you got in here was magic...which made us think...weren’t you investigating magical puppet shows?”  _

_ “Yes, there was a Magician with a really obnoxious name that put the shows on...Abhararakadhar….something or other.” _

_ “We’re calling him Abra Kadabra...well Cisco is calling him that.” _

_ “Hey-” Cisco cuts in, “You know that my naming skills are legendary.” _

_ She chuckles to herself, “Okay Cisco, so Abra Kadabra captured me, and…?” _

_ “Yeah, so here’s the funky thing,” Cisco responds, “Your box wasn’t the only box we recovered. There were literally dozens of boxes, looks like we found your missing people Iris.” _

_ “So...you’re saying that everyone is like me? Everyone is trapped? Were you able to open any of the other boxes?” _

_ “Not yet,” Cisco responds, “We’re working on it though. Puzzles are kind of one of my things.” _

_ “Well,” J’onn breaks in, “everyone else was easier to reach, it seems like he knew that you had some connection with the Flash and so he decided to heighten the security around you. Everyone else, was right here, accessible at least telepathically as soon as I reached for them, but it took me working with Cisco and combining our efforts to locate you...we think you...or your consciousness is dwelling on another Earth and that’s why we’ve had so much trouble reaching you. My telepathy alone cannot breach worlds, but with the help of Mr. Ramon, we were able to locate your consciousness and finally allow Barry to contact you.” _

_ “So…? This world is real?” _

_ “This world?” Cisco asks. _

_ “Yes, this world, you can only reach me at night because I’m sleeping now, these are dreams...not like dreams either, they are totally dreams and in the end I will wake up and head back to my life. I remember what happens here and sort of my life here, but only what is referenced or talked about in the dreams. Like before recently I wouldn’t have known who J’onn or Cisco were but as soon as they were mentioned here, then I had that knowledge even in the waking world.” _

_ “Waking world...interesting descriptor Ms. West. This other world, is real Ms. West, and your decisions while there have all of the actions and consequences of living your life here, be careful not to make any rash decisions.” _

_ “But...Barry...the other Barry I mean, he has these dreams too, he can see everything that is going on...does that mean that you are shifting this Barry’s consciousness into Other Barry’s body?” There was no response. Everything seemed to go silent. “Hello?” _

_ “Iris,” It was Barry, “I didn’t know that we were impacting anyone else there...I knew that we were using our connection to find you, but we didn’t know that we were causing anyone else to see us.”  _

_ “It must be some sort of side effect of finding you, I wondered why it started to get easier to find you, have you talked to him, what happened 3 days ago? That’s when it got easier to reach you.” J’onn asked. _

_ “We talked for the first time 3 days ago, and every day since. He told me that he had been having the dreams, he knew who I was. Barry really isn’t traveling there like I am? He’s really not Barry?” _

_ “Oh, he’s Barry all right,” said Cisco, “But more like other-other-Barry...are there only two others now, or should we have another one? Other-other-other Barry?? It doesn’t matter, point is, he’s Barry just like Earth 2 Barry was Barry, and Earth 2 Iris was Iris.” _

_ “So...no...or…” She trails off. _

_ “So...he is definitely that Earth’s version of Barry, and you in your “waking World” as you call it are essentially that world’s Iris...so again don’t do anything stupid because she will be left behind when we finally figure out how to pull you out.” _

 

She woke gradually and called Barry. 

“Hello,” He answered. “Iris, is everything okay?”

“I had a dream, were you dreaming...of course you were dreaming, did you learn what I learned? Or…what does it mean? Do you think it’s real?”

“I think regardless, a decision is going to have to be made by you, what do you think is real?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying the reveal...now only to figure out how to get her out without breaking anything...or anyone.


	4. 1 Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She felt the blood rushing to her head, she heard pounding in her ears along with his question, “...what do you think is real?” She hadn’t responded.Honestly, she didn’t know. How does someone simply CHOOSE a reality? That isn’t how things are supposed to work. You are supposed to wake up and be who you think you are, make the best choices you can with the information at hand, and try to make your life what you want it...but for some reason right now, the rules don’t apply to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I am soooooo sorry that I was gone forever. But my house actually flooded and I lost almost everything...like my computer and all...I just got settled enough to try and finish this up. I had some additional ideas, but I feel like this is the most concise version true to the my vision that I could get out quickly to wrap this up. I'll probably start another fic soon. I have some ideas I have been working on.

Chapter 4: 1 Day

 

She felt the blood rushing to her head, she heard pounding in her ears along with his question,  _ “...what do you think is real?” _ She hadn’t responded.Honestly, she didn’t know. How does someone simply CHOOSE a reality? That isn’t how things are supposed to work. You are supposed to wake up and be who you think you are, make the best choices you can with the information at hand, and try to make your life what you want it...but for some reason right now, the rules don’t apply to her. How is she supposed to choose? Does she choose to stay here, to live this life? She knows what it will be like, she can see it. It will be happy, she will have success, she will have love, she would never want for anything. In that other life, she senses that she is happy too, she has love there too, but there is one glaring difference, in this life they are SAFE, she is safe, he is safe. He isn’t out there risking his life every day to be... _ a freaking superhero!  _ That’s the craziest part of all of this, that is what makes her think that the other world is some sort of pure fantasy, superheroes don’t exist, magic isn’t real, and you can’t just change between worlds at your whim. 

What would happen if she just chose this world anyway? Does she disappear there? Does she die?  And what about her life there? What would happen to her family and friends? What would happen to Barry? Then again, what would happen to her here if she chose the world there? Would she end up in a coma? Would she die here? Or would she just forget all about these dreams and this other life and move on...hopefully with Barry? But if she forgets all about the other life and the dreams, would she forget about him? Did she even really exist in this world?

She didn’t attend classes that day. Instead she stayed in her room researching mental disorders...she was thinking that she might possibly be having some sort of psychotic break...did she have Delusional Disorder? She started to go through the symptom checklist and she was almost completely convinced that she should check herself in somewhere for evaluation. She didn’t feel like she was delusional...but she really didn’t know that she would know if she really was. The only thing she knew is that she needed to really try to work things out here without sleeping. The dreams are what was confusing her. 

She texts Barry, “Can you come over?”

The response is immediate, “Of course.”

While she waits for him to arrive she really tries to reason things through...she knows for some reason that although they just met, they have this connection that escapes definition. She can feel it, they click, like soulmates. But that’s crazy, what is she a Disney princess? She knows that they need time to build a relationship. 

In the dream...the other world? She knows that she has known that Barry her entire life and their love is a rock solid tether that has kept them both moored throughout the storms of life. The security of that love, the certainty of it is unlike anything she has ever experienced in “waking” life...she doesn’t even know if the feelings that she has for Barry here are hers or if they exist only because of this other world...as she sits trying to sort out her emotions she hears a soft knock on her door. She opens the door and when she sees him, she smiles. He really is gorgeous she thinks as he returns her smile. “Hey Barry...there is something I want to try.” She pulls him into the room.

“Anything,” Barry says as she closes the door behind him and backs him up against it. Without speaking she moves slowly, inexorably toward him.

“If you want to say no, say it now…” She says as she inches closer to him. 

“Not a chance.” He says and closes the remaining distance between them. When their lips meet it is slow and sweet and perfection. As his tongue sweeps into her mouth, she moans and drinks in the taste of him. He clutches her to him still leaning against the door. They stay like that pressed up against her door breaths intermingled, clutching each other with all of the desperation that their other selves can feel at the separation they have been experiencing for weeks now. Their mouths are practiced and familiar against one another, none of the shyness, or hesitancy that usually accompanies first kisses. His taste is as familiar as warm brownies on a lazy Sunday and just like with those brownies she can’t get enough of him. When they finally broke the kiss, they still didn’t break contact. He held her tight and she constricted her arms tightly about him as he sighed into her hair. She felt content, peaceful, and safe. She felt complete. She knew what it felt like to love this man and be loved in turn by him. She also knew that at least for now, here in her room, this love was not theirs. This was love borrowed from another life, from a pair whose love burned so bright that they were both caught up in the echoes of it. She looked up at him and met his eyes. She saw her thoughts echoed there. “You’ve chosen.” 

She shakes her head, not able to say the word. The doubts and the fears from earlier clouding her thoughts. “I don’t know. I know you feel it too, the love that we have been borrowing since we first spoke. That feeling that compels us and draws us like-”

“Magnets. Like opposite poles. Inextricably drawn together. Like there was no way that we wouldn’t be drawn together. But couldn’t that just be us? Couldn’t that just be us, now? Drawn together because we belong together? If you have to choose, you know we could be happy here. Choose US, Iris. Don’t choose the fantasy world fraught with danger. Pick me.” 

She stilled, she looked up, “I thought you said that I had to choose.”

He smiled, warmly but not without a little sadness, “That doesn’t mean that I can’t try to convince you to choose me.”

“Barry, I choose us, I choose you and I choose me. Across the multiverse and back I choose us…but us, right here, right now...I just don’t know. I mean we barely know each other...we just met...In that world though...they’ve known and loved each other for their entire life. What happens to them, to me and you if I abandon that?”

He doesn’t answer, he just holds her tight and kisses the top of her head. Breathing in the moment. They stayed that way for a long time and then without a word they shared one last kiss, separated, and he left. She was sad to see him go.

\-------------------------------------------

After Barry left she committed herself to research and doubled down on her caffeine intake in order to keep herself awake. She wasn’t discounting any possibilities be they real or fantastical in her quest to figure out how she could possibly see this through to the end. 15 hours into her research she decided that the best thing for her to do was to confront the dreams head-on. She would sleep, she would close her eyes and seek out the dreams. She would talk to the people there and then work to make her decision. She wasn’t sure what she wanted now, but she knew that she couldn’t make that decision without at least coming to terms with the dreams. Decision made she laid down and finally let her eyes drift closed.

\------

_ She doesn’t even bother opening her eyes, she just reaches out with her mind and calls for him, “Barry...Barry are you there?”  _

_ The response is immediate, “Always Iris.” She can hear his fatigue, his worry, and his love. She decides that it is now or never… _

_ “Barry, what if this world really is the dream? What if it doesn’t exist? What if this is just a chapter in our story where I’m losing touch with reality and --” _

_ “I can assure you Ms. West, you are not ‘losing touch with reality’ as you put it…” J’onn interrupts, “This world is as real as the other which you also inhabit. Did you not also state that Barry in that world is having some level of the same experience?” _

_ That gave Iris pause, she didn’t even respond to J’onn, she knew it wasn’t necessary, he could sense her hesitation. “But...what if I don’t want this world to be real?” _

_ “Don’t…” Barry starts, but his voice trails away as he reaches the end of the syllable, “Iris,” he starts again and she can hear all of his pain and sadness, “I would always choose you. Across the multiverse and back, I would always return to you…” His voice breaks and she can FEEL his pain. She can’t bear to have him think that she wouldn’t choose him. That she doesn’t want him. She does want him...but she also wants to believe that this world where they are safe is the real one. So much so that she would rather be breaking from reality to explain this world away.  _

_ “Barry, I LOVE YOU, I have and will always love you. This isn’t about not choosing you, this is about me being willing to sacrifice my own sanity in order to build a world where YOU, where WE and everyone we care about, are safe. Imagine the choice presented to me…in one world there’s you and me and we are safe and happy and headed for the most blissful possible version of what we could possibly be and in the other there is fear and uncertainty and you out risking your life EVERY DAY to fight impossible fights against things like MAGIC for crying out loud.What would you choose?” _

_ “You Iris, I choose you. As long as I had you, I would be my most blissful possible version…” She can feel the strain...she can feel everything and everything feels so, so very vibrant and strong in a way that things in the waking world don’t. “Iris, I love you. I love you. I love you. Come back to me.” _

_ She hears her words bouncing around her skull, she can feel the words reverberating throughout her entire body and now...she was SO sure that she would choose the other world. She was so certain that security was what she wanted That safety was paramount...this connection though...THIS love is what does it for her...she takes a deep breath… _

_ “Okay,” she whispers aloud in the dream, her choice is made. _

“Okay,” She whispers aloud in her waking self, her choice is made. She sits up and…

…

…

EVERYTHING DISAPPEARS...the waking self, the sleeping self...the darkness, the box, the dorm room...EVERYTHING. 

 

She is floating in nothingness and then she feels...wet? She can’t see anything but as she begins to move she realizes that there is a handle above her. She pulls first, then pushes and a door opens. She climbs out of her...pod? Chamber? No, she knew a sensory deprivation chamber when she saw one...she had done a story on the benefits of them when she had first started writing for her college paper. She looks around and sees that there are several chambers around the room. Most are empty. She walks through the rows when she hears a footsteps. She ducks down behind one of the chambers, looking. Now that she is out of the chamber she remembers how she got here. 

\-------------------------------------

_ Weeks ago... _

She had come here to investigate the missing people. That much was true. She remembered that she and Barry and come together to investigate. They had gone to see the show. The show had seemed somewhat interesting...but something had been...off for lack of a better word. It was almost as if they were a studio audience and when he commanded it, clapping, laughter, or any other reaction he required would burst forth from them unsolicited. They had no control of it. They had both realized it at the same time and thinking that he was a meta, they sought to investigate further. 

She had  snuck backstage and found the pods. The magician, Abra Kadabra, had seen her and before she could even determine what the pods were there for he commanded her to freeze. She had called out to Barry and he had appeared as the Flash. She was still in his thrall though and before Barry could move, the magician had spoken. “Not so fast, Flash.” Then to her, “On your knees, Ms. West.” And of its own volition her body sank to the ground. 

“Flash, I can’t control it.”

“That’s right, Flash. I’m in control of Ms. West now...so before you move think about the consequences...not even you are faster than the speed of thought…” He turned to Barry, “But rather than leaving that to chance, Flash...clap.” Barry claps. The magician smiled, “Gasp.” and Barry had gasped. “Fall.” And Barry had fallen in front of Iris’s eyes as the Magician signaled to a tank. “Let’s play a game Flash. Stand Flash and Ms. West.” They stood to  their feet. He had directed them each to a tank and said that they would sleep and that there was only one way out. Barry would have to watch as Iris was presented with two versions of their life. One where there never was a Flash and one very similar to this one. If she chose the one without the Flash...then there would simply be no more Flash...his powers gone, inaccessible to him. If she chose the one with the Flash, well then they would wake and all could go back to normal. Either way, they would be out of his way for quite some time. Iris couldn’t believe the monologuing and had said as much. “It doesn’t matter what I say here, now...once you are in there,” He gestured toward the chamber, “You won’t even remember a second of this...now GET IN.” And they had, they both had…

\---------------------------------

_ Present _

She had to find Barry, she saw that plenty of the pods were still open, but she had chosen him, she had chosen the Flash so he should be okay right? She called out to him...and finally saw him emerging from his chamber. She ran to him, but he reached her before she had even taken two steps.His arms wrapped around her tightly, “Iris...Iris.” Her name is all he said for a moment, repeating it over and over again. Finally he speaks, “I could see everything, feel everything, I wasn’t sure you would choose this life, I don’t know if I would have. The safety. I would always choose your safety.”

“Barry, I choose you. I choose us. I can’t pick and choose what that means. It means that I have to live with the good and the bad..” She smiles up at him, “But honestly, being in love with a superhero isn’t all bad, I love you.” They kiss until suddenly she remembers, “Barry, where is Abra Kadabra?”

 

Barry reached up to the bolt on his ear, “Cisco-”

Before a second word could come out of his mouth Cisco shouted, “Barry!!! You’re back!! We have been looking for you for WEEKS!!! There’s a-” And before Cisco could finish both Barry and Iris, still a little wet appeared before the team at STAR labs. 

“We went to investigate the missing people and we were trapped by the Magician -”

“Abra Kadabra.” 

“Yeah..?.”

“Well news for you, when you guys disappeared we searched and searched for you, we suspected foul play but couldn’t find you anywhere. Meanwhile Abra Cadabra started a rash of robberies taking what seemed like randomly selected items from tech companies. We’d been down that road before so we started analyzing what he could be looking for next when...suddenly he was gone. He’s been gone for a week now and still you guys hadn’t reappeared. We -” Cisco breaks off…”We thought you guys were gone.”

Barry pulls Cisco in for a hug, “We’re back...but what was Abra Kadabra doing here, and why did he need me out of the way?” 

“I guess we’ll find out when he returns…”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, again if this is rough, it has been a very long while since I've written anything, so I apologize.


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